I’ve missed updates on Lars’ adventures.
Lars Sauve--the enigmatic Gopher Hockey fan!
[media]
I don't care who you are...that's some funny shit right there!
I am the official Iowa Hawkeye football fan of GPL!
I don't care who you are...that's some funny $h!t right there!
Didn't take you long to find that... I just posted it a little while ago.
Do not like how this board is run?
Get your own board!
♃
<img class="go2wpf-bbcode" src=" https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/44970559/well-played.jp g" alt="">
B1G refs... corrupt, or just incompetent?
I don't care who you are...that's some funny $h!t right there!
Didn't take you long to find that... I just posted it a little while ago.
I was on You Tube looking up a tool repair video and this popped when I went back to my You Tube home page. It was such a great moment from that game!
I am the official Iowa Hawkeye football fan of GPL!
I rarely look at the number of posts for the top posters. But I took a glance today and see many of the "Top Posters" have about half as many posts as Handy. How long has it been since Handy regularly posted?
I rarely look at the number of posts for the top posters. But I took a glance today and see many of the "Top Posters" have about half as many posts as Handy. How long has it been since Handy regularly posted?
It's amazing how many dull posts [mention]Handyman[/mention] made. Dan was prolifically boring....
“When your best friend is the son of God, you get tired of losing every argument.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I rarely look at the number of posts for the top posters. But I took a glance today and see many of the "Top Posters" have about half as many posts as Handy. How long has it been since Handy regularly posted?
Not sure what drove him or dx away. Hammy just too busy or got tired of the grind?
I don't think dx can post if he wanted to. Both him and Handy are still pretty active over on USCHO.
Hammy just too busy or got tired of the grind?
Think I remember he posted about going to a Big Ten game with his GF, and then after that I felt like he realized it's just not the same anymore.
Or the gf took precedence over posting on a message board lol
I rarely look at the number of posts for the top posters. But I took a glance today and see many of the "Top Posters" have about half as many posts as Handy. How long has it been since Handy regularly posted?
Not sure what drove him or dx away. Hammy just too busy or got tired of the grind?
IIRC, Dx was "asked" to leave after an incident. When I first started, Bert (IBM) and Keith were the dominating posters. I know Bert is a MOD and posts occasionally. Fire Helmet Guy was also a regular back in the days.
I'm 50% factual and 50% sarcastic. When you get to know me, you will know which is which.
Hammy just too busy or got tired of the grind?
Think I remember he posted about going to a Big Ten game with his GF, and then after that I felt like he realized it's just not the same anymore.
Or the gf took precedence over posting on a message board lol
I think his work life and GF took over. Had nothing to do with the B1G.
I'm 50% factual and 50% sarcastic. When you get to know me, you will know which is which.
There was no asking. I flat out removed him and he was fine with that. That is all I will say.
Do not like how this board is run?
Get your own board!
♃
There was no asking. I flat out removed him and he was fine with that. That is all I will say.
I know. I was being nice.
I'm 50% factual and 50% sarcastic. When you get to know me, you will know which is which.
I like things better now. When I first started joined back in 2006/2007 there were a lot of know-it-alls and if you didn’t have 10,000, you had zero credibility with some. Maybe in the last 15 years my ability to care one way or another went to hell! Hey, that is my simple pleasure right there!
There was no asking. I flat out removed him and he was fine with that. That is all I will say.
I was there. It was a very uncomfortable moment. ?
Banning was appropriate.
Hammy just too busy or got tired of the grind?
Greyeagle pointed me here so I will indulge since I don't want misinformation. I can assure you it had nothing to do with the Big Ten conference.
I actually figured this might come up the next time I’m on the podcast (I'll probably make a guest appearance some time next season)... but it’s mainly a combination of increased job responsibilities (which made it more difficult for me to consistently be on the podcast), a desire to shift priorities, and just a general feeling that I’ve contributed "enough" over the years.
I had been consistently contributing to college hockey message boards all the way back to the early 90s... back in the days when almost everybody used AOL, Prodigy, etc. to get online. The days of dial up 14.4K or 28.8K... That's creeping up on almost 30 years ago! AOL had sports boards back then (including a college hockey board which was sporadically used). In fact, the only college fan that I specifically remember also posting on those AOL boards was Randy May (the CC fan who eventually started up their message board). He and I used to argue on there big time back then since those were the days Lucia had CC at the top of their game and Wooger had some big time teams too.
I remember talking to Lucia at his first Model Camp when he was still getting his bearings. I remember being at the season opening press conference of the year when we (finally) won our title (2002 team). I think I went to help out the Gopher Hole that day (when Jason Groth ran the site). I remember talking to freshman Keith Ballard outside of the locker room after the press conference. I remember talking to Kessel at Mariucci at the Model Camp before his season at the U (his younger brother was in the camp). So many other stories over the years... it's funny when your have Gopher coaches calling you by your online nickname versus your real name. But they used to view the message boards at times too. Even if they didn't always want to admit it.
Of course, the most fun was all the years on "Pride On Ice" (the golden years... no pun intended... of Gopher Hockey online fandom). There was something fresh and almost "magical" about the group of people who consistently contributed to POI. Maybe it was because the internet and message boards still felt pretty fresh/new. It was truly the first "team specific" college hockey message board and the cast of characters was pretty interesting. I will probably remember various POI posters (or more specifically their monikers) for the rest of my life. We loved the program... and while we had some major debates at times, we felt like family in the end. We all wanted the same thing and there was genuine vibe. Even the occasional fans from other programs who came to argue were relatively innocuous in the grand scheme of things. GPL has been great... but POI was an "odd" family.
All of the above mixed in with GPL and other boards around the internet over those years (early USCHO was pretty good, etc)...
Quite honestly, the only major reason I posted as much as I did (at least in the 90s and into the early 2000s) was because there was a major void that needed to be filled regarding college hockey recruiting. Especially regarding kids in our state. Back then, the only recruiting stuff being discussed in any major media format was either on TV at the state tournament or in the Star Tribune (who usually reported on a commitment about two to three weeks after I knew it had happened). I was blessed to have built up contacts (including the coaches) and I knew I could contribute in an area that wasn't being given enough attention. We always joked that as soon as something was posted of POI, it would be in the Star Tribune a day or two later... including Sid's column. Ahh the good old days...
I still lurk once in a while but I have to admit it is relatively uncommon compared to the past. I am sure I will drop in a post here or there.... and I will always care about the program and want the best for it :M: I definitely like Motzko's vision.
However, I just want to use a lot more time on activities other than posting.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Many people here, and on USCHO, to put it simply, grow out of it. Other life things take up the time and space, that's usually the main reason. Others have left because they feel it's the same ol' song and dance repeated every couple years overall.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Hammy just too busy or got tired of the grind?
Greyeagle pointed me here so I will indulge since I don't want misinformation. I can assure you it had nothing to do with the Big Ten conference.
I actually figured this might come up the next time I’m on the podcast (I'll probably make a guest appearance some time next season)... but it’s mainly a combination of increased job responsibilities (which made it more difficult for me to consistently be on the podcast), a desire to shift priorities, and just a general feeling that I’ve contributed "enough" over the years.
I had been consistently contributing to college hockey message boards all the way back to the early 90s... back in the days when almost everybody used AOL, Prodigy, etc. to get online. The days of dial up 14.4K or 28.8K... That's creeping up on almost 30 years ago! AOL had sports boards back then (including a college hockey board which was sporadically used). In fact, the only college fan that I specifically remember also posting on those AOL boards was Randy May (the CC fan who eventually started up their message board). He and I used to argue on there big time back then since those were the days Lucia had CC at the top of their game and Wooger had some big time teams too.
I remember talking to Lucia at his first Model Camp when he was still getting his bearings. I remember being at the season opening press conference of the year when we (finally) won our title (2002 team). I think I went to help out the Gopher Hole that day (when Jason Groth ran the site). I remember talking to freshman Keith Ballard outside of the locker room after the press conference. I remember talking to Kessel at Mariucci at the Model Camp before his season at the U (his younger brother was in the camp). So many other stories over the years... it's funny when your have Gopher coaches calling you by your online nickname versus your real name. But they used to view the message boards at times too. Even if they didn't always want to admit it.
Of course, the most fun was all the years on "Pride On Ice" (the golden years... no pun intended... of Gopher Hockey online fandom). There was something fresh and almost "magical" about the group of people who consistently contributed to POI. Maybe it was because the internet and message boards still felt pretty fresh/new. It was truly the first "team specific" college hockey message board and the cast of characters was pretty interesting. I will probably remember various POI posters (or more specifically their monikers) for the rest of my life. We loved the program... and while we had some major debates at times, we felt like family in the end. We all wanted the same thing and there was genuine vibe. Even the occasional fans from other programs who came to argue were relatively innocuous in the grand scheme of things. GPL has been great... but POI was an "odd" family.
All of the above mixed in with GPL and other boards around the internet over those years (early USCHO was pretty good, etc)...
Quite honestly, the only major reason I posted as much as I did (at least in the 90s and into the early 2000s) was because there was a major void that needed to be filled regarding college hockey recruiting. Especially regarding kids in our state. Back then, the only recruiting stuff being discussed in any major media format was either on TV at the state tournament or in the Star Tribune (who usually reported on a commitment about two to three weeks after I knew it had happened). I was blessed to have built up contacts (including the coaches) and I knew I could contribute in an area that wasn't being given enough attention. We always joked that as soon as something was posted of POI, it would be in the Star Tribune a day or two later... including Sid's column. Ahh the good old days...
I still lurk once in a while but I have to admit it is relatively uncommon compared to the past. I am sure I will drop in a post here or there.... and I will always care about the program and want the best for it :M: I definitely like Motzko's vision.
However, I just want to use a lot more time on activities other than posting.
I always appreciated the insight you shared around recruiting.
Hammy just too busy or got tired of the grind?
Greyeagle pointed me here so I will indulge since I don't want misinformation. I can assure you it had nothing to do with the Big Ten conference.
I actually figured this might come up the next time I’m on the podcast (I'll probably make a guest appearance some time next season)... but it’s mainly a combination of increased job responsibilities (which made it more difficult for me to consistently be on the podcast), a desire to shift priorities, and just a general feeling that I’ve contributed "enough" over the years.
I had been consistently contributing to college hockey message boards all the way back to the early 90s... back in the days when almost everybody used AOL, Prodigy, etc. to get online. The days of dial up 14.4K or 28.8K... That's creeping up on almost 30 years ago! AOL had sports boards back then (including a college hockey board which was sporadically used). In fact, the only college fan that I specifically remember also posting on those AOL boards was Randy May (the CC fan who eventually started up their message board). He and I used to argue on there big time back then since those were the days Lucia had CC at the top of their game and Wooger had some big time teams too.
I remember talking to Lucia at his first Model Camp when he was still getting his bearings. I remember being at the season opening press conference of the year when we (finally) won our title (2002 team). I think I went to help out the Gopher Hole that day (when Jason Groth ran the site). I remember talking to freshman Keith Ballard outside of the locker room after the press conference. I remember talking to Kessel at Mariucci at the Model Camp before his season at the U (his younger brother was in the camp). So many other stories over the years... it's funny when your have Gopher coaches calling you by your online nickname versus your real name. But they used to view the message boards at times too. Even if they didn't always want to admit it.
Of course, the most fun was all the years on "Pride On Ice" (the golden years... no pun intended... of Gopher Hockey online fandom). There was something fresh and almost "magical" about the group of people who consistently contributed to POI. Maybe it was because the internet and message boards still felt pretty fresh/new. It was truly the first "team specific" college hockey message board and the cast of characters was pretty interesting. I will probably remember various POI posters (or more specifically their monikers) for the rest of my life. We loved the program... and while we had some major debates at times, we felt like family in the end. We all wanted the same thing and there was genuine vibe. Even the occasional fans from other programs who came to argue were relatively innocuous in the grand scheme of things. GPL has been great... but POI was an "odd" family.
All of the above mixed in with GPL and other boards around the internet over those years (early USCHO was pretty good, etc)...
Quite honestly, the only major reason I posted as much as I did (at least in the 90s and into the early 2000s) was because there was a major void that needed to be filled regarding college hockey recruiting. Especially regarding kids in our state. Back then, the only recruiting stuff being discussed in any major media format was either on TV at the state tournament or in the Star Tribune (who usually reported on a commitment about two to three weeks after I knew it had happened). I was blessed to have built up contacts (including the coaches) and I knew I could contribute in an area that wasn't being given enough attention. We always joked that as soon as something was posted of POI, it would be in the Star Tribune a day or two later... including Sid's column. Ahh the good old days...
I still lurk once in a while but I have to admit it is relatively uncommon compared to the past. I am sure I will drop in a post here or there.... and I will always care about the program and want the best for it :M: I definitely like Motzko's vision.
However, I just want to use a lot more time on activities other than posting.
Appreciate the reply Hammy.
One 'beef' - since you admittedly lurk why not offer up some minor tidbits now and again even if it's just as a regular joe fan? I'm sure any contribution would be welcome but I understand if you opt out. Appreciate your fandom regardless and good to hear from you again.
:goodpost:
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Nice to see a post from you again Hammy! I also get that priorities change. I do t think you grow out of it. I am envious of GE and YE’s banter. One day I hope my kid will post on here. I will even be proud if he claims my cabin as his...then I will beat his ass.
Nice to see a post from you again Hammy! I also get that priorities change. I do t think you grow out of it. I am envious of GE and YE’s banter. One day I hope my kid will post on here. I will even be proud if he claims my cabin as his...then I will beat his ass.
YE knows his dad is always out of town or too slow moving with the walker to get his ass beat
Went to Pub 819 in Hopkins today, usual time, usual seat. I had barely sat down, and boom, bartender was already setting my cup of coffee down. Apparently she saw me walk in. Now THAT is service.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Went to Pub 819 in Hopkins today, usual time, usual seat. I had barely sat down, and boom, bartender was already setting my cup of coffee down. Apparently she saw me walk in. Now THAT is service.
I used to have that at Old Chicago up in Blaine... if I parked in a certain area, by the time I was walking up to the bar, the bartender had a filled mug in her hand, following me down the bar to wherever I sat.
B1G refs... corrupt, or just incompetent?
Where everybody knows.... your name. Do do do do..do do
Went to Pub 819 in Hopkins today, usual time, usual seat. I had barely sat down, and boom, bartender was already setting my cup of coffee down. Apparently she saw me walk in. Now THAT is service.
I miss the Hopkins Tavern (which is what that location was before Pub 819). It was just beer, booze, and Heggies. That’s it. A hole in the wall but fun (especially in the summer) It was lively later at night too. Now all of that action is gone. Pub 819 is usually dead by 10pm
Went to Pub 819 in Hopkins today, usual time, usual seat. I had barely sat down, and boom, bartender was already setting my cup of coffee down. Apparently she saw me walk in. Now THAT is service.
I miss the Hopkins Tavern (which is what that location was before Pub 819). It was just beer, booze, and Heggies. That’s it. A hole in the wall but fun (especially in the summer) It was lively later at night too. Now all of that action is gone. Pub 819 is usually dead by 10pm
"Lively....."
Yes it was (I remember it way back in the day).
If you want action after 10pm during the week, guessing Mainstreet Bar is the place. Maybe the Wild Boar if you don't mind the bro-crowd.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Went to Pub 819 in Hopkins today, usual time, usual seat. I had barely sat down, and boom, bartender was already setting my cup of coffee down. Apparently she saw me walk in. Now THAT is service.
I miss the Hopkins Tavern (which is what that location was before Pub 819). It was just beer, booze, and Heggies. That’s it. A hole in the wall but fun (especially in the summer) It was lively later at night too. Now all of that action is gone. Pub 819 is usually dead by 10pm
"Lively....."
Yes it was (I remember it way back in the day).
If you want action after 10pm during the week, guessing Mainstreet Bar is the place. Maybe the Wild Boar if you don't mind the bro-crowd.
I lived in Hopkins about 30 years ago. I remember a bar called the Blue Ribbon Bar that was directly across from Mainstreets. Is that the 819 now? I also remember Archies,( now the Wild Boar?) with the low ceilings and back in the smoking in the bar days it was like a fog in there. There was also a bar a block off main street that was a sports bar that had a murals on the walls, that is now a flooring store. Those were some fun times in Hopkins.
I'm 50% factual and 50% sarcastic. When you get to know me, you will know which is which.
Went to Pub 819 in Hopkins today, usual time, usual seat. I had barely sat down, and boom, bartender was already setting my cup of coffee down. Apparently she saw me walk in. Now THAT is service.
I miss the Hopkins Tavern (which is what that location was before Pub 819). It was just beer, booze, and Heggies. That’s it. A hole in the wall but fun (especially in the summer) It was lively later at night too. Now all of that action is gone. Pub 819 is usually dead by 10pm
"Lively....."
Yes it was (I remember it way back in the day).
If you want action after 10pm during the week, guessing Mainstreet Bar is the place. Maybe the Wild Boar if you don't mind the bro-crowd.
I lived in Hopkins about 30 years ago. I remember a bar called the Blue Ribbon Bar that was directly across from Mainstreets. Is that the 819 now? I also remember Archies,( now the Wild Boar?) with the low ceilings and back in the smoking in the bar days it was like a fog in there. There was also a bar a block off main street that was a sports bar that had a murals on the walls, that is now a flooring store. Those were some fun times in Hopkins.
Yes, 819 is directly across from Mainstreet. Boar was Archie's (that was just before my time there), then it was something else, THEN it became the Boar. 819 used to be a sort of biker bar...kinda shady.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Went to Pub 819 in Hopkins today, usual time, usual seat. I had barely sat down, and boom, bartender was already setting my cup of coffee down. Apparently she saw me walk in. Now THAT is service.
I miss the Hopkins Tavern (which is what that location was before Pub 819). It was just beer, booze, and Heggies. That’s it. A hole in the wall but fun (especially in the summer) It was lively later at night too. Now all of that action is gone. Pub 819 is usually dead by 10pm
"Lively....."
Yes it was (I remember it way back in the day).
If you want action after 10pm during the week, guessing Mainstreet Bar is the place. Maybe the Wild Boar if you don't mind the bro-crowd.
I lived in Hopkins about 30 years ago. I remember a bar called the Blue Ribbon Bar that was directly across from Mainstreets. Is that the 819 now? I also remember Archies,( now the Wild Boar?) with the low ceilings and back in the smoking in the bar days it was like a fog in there. There was also a bar a block off main street that was a sports bar that had a murals on the walls, that is now a flooring store. Those were some fun times in Hopkins.
That bar across from Mainstreets has changed names probably three or four times since you were there. But Pub 819 killed the vibe for good. That spot used to be more gritty and had a neighborhood feel. Now it feels corporate. Oh well...
Archie’s was the hard rock/metal bar in the 80s. Not that I was able to get in since i was underage but I definitely remember the vibe. I was too busy trying to bribe shady 20-something dudes to buy me a case of beer over at Leaman’s Liquors
I’ve been to the Wild Boar a couple of times but it’s just not my scene at this stage in life.
Nice to see a post from you again Hammy! I also get that priorities change. I do t think you grow out of it. I am envious of GE and YE’s banter. One day I hope my kid will post on here. I will even be proud if he claims my cabin as his...then I will beat his ass.
I hope he (your son) is too. It's fun having YE here.
“When your best friend is the son of God, you get tired of losing every argument.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
819 is more corpie now, but they still know their regulars. 30 Bales (nee Big Ten) is still trying to be more hipster/artisan, and it's not a good look. Boar (nee Archies,etc) is a bro-bar. Mainstreet has not changed a bit.
Edit: Mainstreet was, and is, still the true neighborhood vibe/townie bar.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Edit: Mainstreet was, and is, still the true neighborhood vibe/townie bar.
When the Hopkins Tavern was there, we’d drink in both... go from one to the other and back again several times a night. It was basically the same people but a slightly different vibe. Heck, even the bartenders of each place would take a break in the other bar...
I’ve lost a lunch or two in the parking lot behind Mainstreets a few times over the years. Damn Fireball :puke:
Edit: Mainstreet was, and is, still the true neighborhood vibe/townie bar.
When the Hopkins Tavern was there, we’d drink in both... go from one to the other and back again several times a night. It was basically the same people but a slightly different vibe. Heck, even the bartenders of each place would take a break in the other bar...
I’ve lost a lunch or two in the parking lot behind Mainstreets a few times over the years. Damn Fireball :puke:
I will say thank God that Mainstreet keeps real bar hours (open until 2am) otherwise I never would have seen the Cubs win the WS. Even 819 was not extending hours that night (a couple other Cubs fans were there for the first part of the game).
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
819 is more corpie now, but they still know their regulars. 30 Bales (nee Big Ten) is still trying to be more hipster/artisan, and it's not a good look. Boar (nee Archies,etc) is a bro-bar. Mainstreet has not changed a bit.
Edit: Mainstreet was, and is, still the true neighborhood vibe/townie bar.
Ah, the good old days. I lived in Hopkins in 2000. Spent a good amount of time in Archies. The first time I walked in there, I saw an old college buddy tending bar. He (AKA Bundee) was a great dude. My gal and I did very good in there playing pull tabs over the course of the summer. I have gone back since and been to the Boar. Nothing like the vibe of Archies.
Saw Hairball at Mainstreet one night. That was pretty cool. Place was packed but we got there early and had a booth.
Can't remember the name, at the time, of the place across the street. I do remember it being a little sticky and stinky. Biker bar? Maybe. I think the drinks were just cheaper than the others in town. Either way, it was my kinda place.
The place across the street was definitely the biker bar, now 819. I remember the Hogs lined up along the street there. IF my memory serves correct I must have just missed the turn from Archie's to Decoy's. when I lived in the area at that time. Decoy's was eventually re-named the Wild Boar.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Nice to see a post from you again Hammy! I also get that priorities change. I do t think you grow out of it. I am envious of GE and YE’s banter. One day I hope my kid will post on here. I will even be proud if he claims my cabin as his...then I will beat his ass.
I hope he (your son) is too. It's fun having YE here.
Such a big softie! I was nervous to join GPL but it’s fun to have people you don’t know rip you for referring to something you don’t own as ‘your cabin’
'29, '40, '74, '76, '79, '02, & '03
GPL's Resident Cabin Enthusiast & Cadets Hockey Fan
[mention]YoungEagle[/mention] , While I have had more conversations with you old man we have met so WTF!?
Then again I have my own family issues with a former GPL poster & her sister w/ cabin ownership.
Truth be known having up coming generations taking over ownership is priceless. The place my parents built has been torn down & a new place built in '18 / '19 but memories live on and new ones are made. I am the great grandson of the 1st name on our abstract. Eh.?
That’s a good point. I’ve met a few GPLers at tailgates or campus pizza. And they’re all ?
'29, '40, '74, '76, '79, '02, & '03
GPL's Resident Cabin Enthusiast & Cadets Hockey Fan
That’s a good point. I’ve met a few GPLers at tailgates or campus pizza. And they’re all ?
You mean ? as in perfect?
https://twitter.com/starting9/status/1385756977415008257?s=21br >
It seems like he's about to get angry, but realizes he has a choice to make. He chose correctly. :good2:
The kid made a great grab too.
Nice job, Minnesota in responding to the census. I think our high response rate is the reason we kept our same amount of congressional seats, and I'm guessing since things were so close we're not one of the most over-represented states, which is a lucky thing.
Truer words have never been spoken.. this layout is sick.
https://twitter.com/super70ssports/status/1388188869619814405?s=21
'29, '40, '74, '76, '79, '02, & '03
GPL's Resident Cabin Enthusiast & Cadets Hockey Fan
I do the same when I visit a friend's home and judge bocce ball standards.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.
Not quite yet, but planned: cigar, bourbon, Kentucky Derby. Bonus for perfect weather today.
When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are.